What is stigma?
Stigma is a negative attitude or idea about a mental, physical, or social feature of a person or group that involved social disapproval.
Our generation of black women are the biggest critics and persecutors of another black woman. We will critique every aspect of her being, as if we are not all facing the same hardships and adversities. Instead of extending a hand, providing resources, and empowering the black woman to walk her path with resilience and confidence- we ridicule her.
We are all aware of the famous saying our mothers and grandmothers would tell us as school-aged children when we spoke negatively about someone else, "If you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say it all". True enough, we are now middle-aged adults who have the right to freedom of speech but is it worth diminishing another black woman's self-esteem, mental state, and ability to thrive within herself? Absolutely not!
Here are 4 stigmas we face today amongst our generation of black women:
1. Being Plus Size/Overweight
In our community, if a black woman is "too big" she will experience a great deal of judgement. As a heavier woman, you are constantly being told you are unattractive, you need to lose weight, you are not allowed to flaunt your body type in confidence, and how no man want you. There are endless jokes and side eyes when you display any ounce of high self-esteem, because in their eyes you have nothing to be confident about. Hm. It's disturbing how the women, who look like you, are the first to destroy you at first glance. The public body shame is so overwhelming some women avoid social events, eat more due to depression (leading to morbid obesity), and experience extreme humiliation. Not all women that has extra love to give--gained it by eating; medications, health issues, and genetics also contributes to weight gain. Lately, there has been a lot of plus size women taking back their lives and loving themselves abundantly, and it is with great excitement to watch our plus size baddies live their best life-- and showing their naysayers true morale.
2. Parenting
For some odd reason, every other black woman has the parental guide of how to raise your children but you. We will critique another black woman about how she dresses her children, the shoes her children wear, and certain hairstyles she does to her children's crown. Also, disseminating her "poor parenting" through social media and gossiping friends, without considering how hard she had to work to provide her children with clothes and shoes. A lot of black women within our community are single mothers, including myself, and I can attest to how extremely hard it is to handle all of the living expenses and trying to make sure everything pertaining to your children is taken care of as well. Give that black mother grace and extend compassion before you past judgement. Parenting is way deeper than the materialistic things you can buy for your children, it's about being an educator, a leader, an advocate, a protector, a nurturer and most important--to be present. Our children mirror everything we do-- the way we talk, how we interact with other people, our personality, our habits, etc. So, when we are going around bashing another black woman in front of our daughters-- remember that your actions will eventually become learned behavior that will expose that ignorance to the next generation.
3. Body Image/Imperfect Skin
As black women, we tend to look at another black woman's appearance and assume we know her story before having a conversation. Why is that? Do y'all think it's our way of placing our insecurities onto another woman? or are we intentionally being mean?
For example: If a black woman undergoes cosmetic surgery, we mock her results and diminish her self-esteem. I know you are probably saying to yourself "Well, she obviously had low self-esteem if she decided to get the procedure done." Yeah yeah, but honestly, a lot of black women get surgery to enhance things they lack (ex. butt, lips) or if they had kids, they want to tighten up areas that are loose (ex. stomach). True enough, we are not the only ethnicity getting them done, but I still felt the need to touch on that subject a bit because we give each other the hardest time about body reconstruction. Self-esteem is not always the issue.
Next, hyperpigmentation. Hyperpigmentation is a major condition we are prone to due to the amount of melanin in our skin which most of the time causes dark marks or patches on the skin. When we see another black woman battling with the condition, we immediately assume she is not taking care of herself properly. There is numerous health issues and medications linked to causing a mild, severe case of hyperpigmentation and some women experience acne and ingrown which can cause the condition to appear on the skin as well. As women, we all want the pretty skin that's blemish free and flawless but sometimes things happen that is out of our control, it is up to us to learn what is good for our skin. As we all know, there are endless skin care products on market so finding the perfect one can be difficult. It's not that she doesn't care, she might be having a hard time finding what works for her. With that being said, stop casting judgement on that black woman, instead recommend helpful tips and resources to help her start her journey to a better skin regimen.
4. Finances
As black women, when we have our finances in order, we will disparage another black woman for not having enough or none at all. We will express how bottom of the barrel she is instead of coaching/mentoring her to financial freedom. We have to unlearn the mindset that money defines you as a "top-notch chick." We all have to start from scratch and grind harder than most to accomplish financial freedom, so bashing another woman because you have reached some level of stability doesn't make you better than her--it's just taking her a while longer to find her way. True enough, money give us a sense of freedom and allow us to escape the shackles of poverty, but we don't have to belittle or antagonize another woman because of it--it's giving oppressor.
"According to, Northwestern Medicine clinical psychologist Inger Burnett-Zeigler, an estimated eight out of 10 Black women have experienced some form of trauma.
The different types of trauma Black women often endure — intergenerational trauma, childhood trauma, abusive relationships, pregnancy trauma — through her own personal stories and the stories of family members and clients."
Be kind, compassionate, and empowering to one another :)
Leave a comment to let me know your thoughts about this topic.